No Bully talked with Melissa Ambrose, who is the counselor at Oceana High School in Pacifica with a stunning view of the Pacific Ocean. Melissa has been through the No Bully Solution Team training.
Many schools lack a non-blaming mirroring of the actual language that students use with one another. Anti-gay language, racial slurs, derogatory and hurtful comments about intelligence and size pervade student social discourse, often without educational intervention from the adults on campus. Students’ prevalent complaint is that “no one responds” to the language they endure. When adults respond, it is often with punishing consequences and little or no chance to change behavior or role.
No Bully spoke this week to Ed Donnelly, known to many as Boston’s anti-bullying czar.
How many public schools are there in Boston? 134.
How did you come to set up a bullying hotline? The Mayor of Boston was proactive in setting up an anti-bullying hotline. Initially we had a physical phone in a room that rang. But we had not trained anyone how to answer it. So we routed the calls to a cell phone that I now carry around with me.
Create guidelines for your children that address the following:-
When bullying makes news, lawmakers draft bills.
The Cherokee tell story of an old man talking to his grandson. “There are two wolves fighting inside each of us” he says. “One wolf brings anger, aggression, and wounded pride. The other wolf leads us towards compassion and love.” “Which wins?” asks the boy. “The one that we feed” is grandfather’s reply.
Relational bullying or “relational aggression” was included in the definition of bullying in the 1990’s, mainly through the research and persistence of Professor Nicki Crick. Relational bullying is when a student uses relational influence to turn other students against someone and ultimately to isolate them. In the early grades this behavior takes the form of telling another student directly that they cannot play or join in. In the middle grades relational bullying takes a more indirect form of manipulating students against other students behind their backs.
The students currently passing through our schools have been referred to as the Me Generation or the iGeneration for their startling preoccupation with … themselves. However, a stream of recent research studies suggest that humans are not born selfish and that we are wired to co-operate. Allison Gopnik, UC Berkeley child psychologist and author of The Philosophical Baby reports that “Babies not only learn more, but imagine more, care more, and experience more than we would ever have thought possible”.
Most schools experience a problem class at some point in time. For obvious reasons this is not something that they broadcast to outsiders. Often it’s a fifth or sixth grade class that has seemingly forgotten what kindness is, though problematic dynamics show up as early as second grade. Once a class becomes “the problem class”, they often get stuck in that role. Educators vacillate between confronting the ringleaders and forcing change (highly unsuccessful) and giving up.
Gossip is an age-old way of sharing news about the happenings of a community and those within it. Evolutionary psychology suggests that gossip promotes bonding and affiliation within a group. Generally, though, gossip belongs to the dark side of communication, used to enhance the gossiper’s status at the cost of another’s reputation.